:-)

10 pounds down as of today. This makes me happy in a world of unhappy. Also, I got to spend two whole days with hubby this week, which was particularly awesome.

And a quick rant that has nothing to do with IF: Hubby and I are re-doing the floors in our house, because it was a foreclosure and the carpets are pretty rank. Anyway, we asked for Lowe's (a home improvement store) gift cards, because that is where we have bought our flooring from. We needed about 300 more $ worth to do our living/dining areas. We got 200 $ worth of Home Depot gift cards that are non-refundable, and they don't carry our flooring........ sigh..........

I want some babies!

Yesterday, was more difficult than others. As I sat by the tree at my grandparents house and listened to my family comment on how sad it was that there were no babies around, casting sideways glances towards hubby and I. Yes! I agree, it is sad! I want nothing more than to be sitting here with a little chubby angel on my knee! And I began to think and wish, that maybe next year, or even the year after I might have a snuggling infant or a growing belly beside the Christmas tree. But I didn't tell them that. I just kept my mouth shut, and later told hubby how much I really want a baby. And of coarse he said "One day" as he always does. One day indeed. One day, a million or so days from now. But I want one. Now.

But I can't say my life is completely childless. I may not be a mommy, but on a consistent basis I consider 10-15 sweet little ones to be "mine". These children are miracles, no doubt. Each day I celebrate their words, social attempts, and development as if they were my very own. I know that if it weren't for Autism, they would not be a part of my life. And I pray that each of them could be healed of this disorder. Yet I cannot help but be thankful for it too. Because it brought me these angels, and their amazing, beautiful, resilient, determined parents. Parents who would go to the end of the world and back to bring little pieces of their babies back. Parents who would throw away mortgages, vacations, clothes, and even sometimes marriages just to pull the child inside to the surface. And the moments when their child says "I love you" or simply smiles and runs to the door when they walk in the room, or even tells a lie (showing theory of mind) - you can tell these are the moments the parents live for. And for now, these are the moments I live for. And I know, somewhere deep in my heart, this is the reason God has not blessed me with children of my own flesh and blood yet. Because if He had, my heart would not belong to them. My heart would not rejoice as it does at each tiny yet monumental accomplishment because it would be too full. So for now, my heart belongs to you, my first babies. MS, SN, NS, JW, CC, SB, NF, LS, KS, MH, and LC. I love you my darlings.

Again with the crosshairs!

FF took my crosshairs away again. No surprise there. My temps were just up from being sick. Feeling pms-y last few days. Picked a fight with hubby last night, sore bbs, and slight cramping. (Please Lord let this be AF!)

However, I lost another lb. So that's exciting. Total so far-9. -49 to go.

weight loss goals

So, A second attempt at adding photos to a blog post. Hopefully this goes better. I want to document what PCOS has done to me, so that I can look back, and determine to get my body back!

The first photo (I'm the girl on the right) was me at a weight that I found satisafctory. Not my skinniest, but probably my healthiest. It was after cross-country season, and I had been eating healthy. This was almost 5 years ago.

This second photo (I'm in a red sweater)was a year after the first. I had gone away to college and gained 35 lbs. I started missing periods and my face began to break out.

This third photo (hubby and I by a lamp post)is about 2 years after the the previous one, about 2 years ago. This was my engagement session. I have gained another 20 lbs, but then lost 10. This was about 10 lbs over the weight i was at when I got married. I had been on the pill for a little over a year.

This fourth (girl with cute baby goat)is me last month. I have gained 40 lbs since my wedding. This person pretty much disgusts me. I'd love to get back down to where I was before my wedding by this summer, and to where I was before all this started by next Christmas season. This is my starting po int. Here we go.

FF says I o'd

But I don't think I did. I think my temps are just up because I'm sick. We'll see I guess. Also, I miscalculated when we can start ttc. It's November, at the earliest, not August. Poo. And again I say Poo. I want to be a mommy so badly, but I know it will be so much better, if Hubby could be done with school, so that I can stay home with our son or daughter as long as I want or need to. If we got pg now, I'd have to work and he'd have to take care of baby. Neither of us really want that. So November it is. 11 months to go. Hopefully this is the last time we move the date back. I am NOT going back on the pill for the wait though. So a suprise could happen, right :-)? With PCOS I know it's doubtful, but I trust God to make me a mommy when He sees fit.

So sick

I have a cold, I think that's what it is anyway. But my temps have been higher in the am, and it's messing up my already messed up chart. :-(. Baby fever was not gone for long at all. We were waiting to officially start TTC until march. Now, I think it's pushed back until next August, depending on Hubby's school. That's 9 months from now. I could possibly lose a lot of weight by then. Maybe that will normalize my cycle. I know I posted the other day that I was only down 5lbs, but I've lost 3 since then. 50 to go before I am where I was at the beginning of my PCOS journey, and another 30 after that to be at my goal weight, where I remember being before any symptoms. I think I could lose the 50 by August. Depending on motivation, even part of the 30, but we'll see. I'll post more on this after new years.

As for the aloe for acne, that was very shortlived. Two days of it, and my face broke out worse. I know it's good for scars. Once my skin is less volatile I may try again.

And one last thing- I miss cable. We had it turned off after hubby's flub with the bills. No cable, no groceries, and no wrapping paper for Christmas gifts. Feeling a little destitute.

PCOS symptoms

So, I've been on Metformin for almost two months now, and am noticing little difference. No period, only suspected ovulation, very little weight loss, slight decrease in acne, and major increase in gastrointestinal issues. I have made a few discoveries with the met. #1 being that if I drink more water my stomach feels better. #2 If I skip my fish oil supplement my stomach gives me very few issues and #3 If I eat I get sick, but if I don't eat I seem to get sicker. The past few days have been the first time I have actually been hungry and wanted to eat. The rest of my time on met, I have only eaten because my stomach was growling, or I felt like I might pass out. Not sure what any of this means. I've only lost about 5 lbs. Which totally sucks. Usually I can drop 20 with little effort, but it seems to be hanging on for dear life now. *sigh* I am planning on really buckling down as soon as Christmas is over and my schedule is back to normal.
I have 30 more days until I can get a provera prescription. I am praying that AF arrives on her own, but not getting my hopes up. My temps have been different this past week than they have been before. I can't wait until I can actually see from charting what my body is doing. This being my first time charting, none of it really makes sense yet.
And last, the acne. It is, in fact, better than it was, but I believe that is in part, because, I had AF. My skin got continuously worse the 6 months I went without AF, so I have no doubt it will get worse the longer I let it go on. I have read a few places that aloe, the gel from the actual plant, not the green stuff you buy for sunburns, is helpful with acne. So, as of tonight, I am rubbing aloe on my face once per day. This is my new treatment partly because it is natural, but mostly because I have a HUGE aloe plant growing on my porch, and this treatment will be free. And free is pretty appealing right now with our finances the way they are.
Speaking of finances, I may be getting more hours come January. That would be awesome if I knew that I would actually get paid for the work. I am tired of working all week for a worthless piece of paper. And i'm stuck, because with the hours I do work it's not like I can get a second job, and I am so attached to my kids, I couldn't leave. I wouldn't be so frustrated if it weren't for the sucky financial situation. Anyway, enough complaining.....off to bed....which I am very thankful to have :-)

Where do we go from here?

I'd be lying if I said this week weren't one of the hardest weeks of my life.
It has been a very hard week. Money issues threaten to overtake us. But I know God has us in His hand and though He allows us to stumble, He won't let us fall. (Psalm 37) Hubby and I had a rough couple of days. Very rough, but I believe he is sorry, and have forgiven him. Today we sat down with my in-laws to look at our budget. We determined that we spend too much money, but it is on "extras". We can well afford our neccesseties and therfore, after getting out of the current hole, should be able to work towards getting out of bigger debt (and work towards babies!)

The light in this week was that Hubby (on his 3rd attempt) finally passed the last test he needed for a program he is trying to enter in school. Praying that there is still a spot for him. The new school program would mean a new and better job, and money issues becoming better!

I have a cold but am ready to start the next week. Wishing AF would make her appearance. I was spotting on Friday, but that's gone now, so who knows what's going on!

Cuz you had a bad day.....

For the first time in a reallly long time I don't want a baby right now.
Yes the thought of "If I don't get on top of this now it will never happen" thoughts are still there, but the thought of bringing another life into this world, seems to me, a bad choice at this point in time. On Tuesday, this was not true. I wanted a baby sooo badly.

But when yesterday rolled around, and the bank called and informed me we were two months behind in mortgage payments, nooo, correction, almost 5 months behind in mortgage payments, AND MY HUSBAND HADN'T TOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! suddenly, I lost all desire to bring a poor little helpless baby into the crap/craziness that is my life. I can't believe this is happening to me. I thought my marriage was wonderful. I thought that we were making it. I thought everything was fine. I thought I knew the man lying in bed with me at the end of each day. I was wrong. And I'm not sure if I can deal with that.

Oh Christmas Tree.

My tree is twinkling away in my living room. It makes me happy. It reminds me of trees past. Last year it stood cramped in the corner of our tiny, overprice apartment. It made me happy because it was Hubby's and my first tree. It was our first Christmas as a married couple. The year before it was in my grandparents house. It was fake, and covered with really old ornaments, but it was also across from the hall closet which held my wedding dress. The first time I sat at the Christmas dinner table, holding his hand, not worried about my dad throttling him across the table. The year before that, a hodgepodge of branches covered with lights stood in the corner of a house I rented with 4 other college girls. We sat around it, drinking hot cocoa, and dreaming about when we would someday have a house of our own, a husband and a tree of our own. That dream is now true. As I look back, each year took me closer and closer to that dream- the next year's blessing invisible from that year's treeside vantage point. Last year I never wouldve dreamed that I would be in a house that we owned. I dare not imagine a growing belly or tiny infant next Christmas...... but here's to treeside wishing.

I want to be a mommy.

I want to braid my little girl's hair.
I want to kiss my little boy's forhead as he sleeps in his bed.
I want to feel a sweaty little body snoring on my chest.
I want to marvel at my daughter's first word.
I want to record my son's first smile.
I want to teach my children that A says "ah" and B says "Buh"
I want to read them Skippyjon Jones stories, and kiss them goodnight.
I want to teach thier Sunday school class and tell them that Jesus loves them.
I want to cry as I wave goodbye when a big yellow bus takes them to thier first day of kindergarten.
I want to see them learn to play an instrument, or sport.
I want to see them argue in the backseat on road trips.
I want to see them make thier daddy smile.
I want to buy them toys and play with them.
I want to make them eat thier veggies.

Most of all, right now, I want to know that a child is growing inside of me, protected, and mine.

Praying, and hoping that all those wants and wishes come true soon.

hmmmmm

I don't know what in the world is going on with my body, but then again, when do I ever know? My temp has been up (roughly.04 degrees) for three days now. However, it is way lower than the temps earlier this cycle, so FF is not giving me crosshairs. I hate PCOS today. And everday. My pregnant friend is back in town. In some weird way, her being pregnant actually makes me want to be pregnant more, which is sort of impossible, because I already wanted it so bad.

Oh where are you O?

I ordered some OPK's from Amazon, sadly they aren't here yet, and I got a temp spike today. It's about the same as the one I got ealier on this "Cycle". The more I look at my chart against other annovulatory ones the more I think that I really did O on cd 13, just didnt get AF. And it's looking like it might be happening again. Several days of low temps (like the ones before) and today a spike. I'm just speculating here, because the opk's have yet to arrive. I guess we'll see if it keeps going up these next few days. Praying it does, cause hubby and I have bd'd plenty.........

Darn it. There I go again, getting my hopes up. Shame on me. I'm going to *try* not to think about it. Ha.

Here's the craziness
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2a74a1

looks perfect but....

I am so confused by my chart! FF took my crosshairs away, since my temps are going way down. To me except for the lack of AF it looks like a really good chart, like I clearly ovulated, and then my temps went back down for a new follicular phase. (or however you say that) I'm almost wondering if I just didnt have anything to shed this time since last time when I was on provera it was the heaviest AF ever. Not even sure if that is possible! I really don't understand.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2a74a1


Thanksgiving was a good one. Everything I cooked turned out yummy, and our families melded well together. Looking forward to hanging out with my bff and her hubby later. They're in from Tampa, and we havent seen them since their wedding in June. Hopefully we will also be getting a tree this weekend. I need to clean all the thanksgiving mess up first though.

Oh my....

I first of all would like to say that I am thankful to God for His mercy and love, for the salvation I have in Jesus, and that there is no condemnation in Christ. These things alone are so much more than I deserve, yet still He blesses me with a loving hubby, a close and supportive family, a beautiful house that we own, a career I love with people I love, and so so many other wonderful things! I read somewhere "If you haven't everything you want, be grateful for the things you don't have but you wouldn't want" And boy am I. I am thnakful that I know someday God will bless me with a baby. Praise the Lord.

lazy day- kinda

I was supposed to work 9-12 today, but my client called and cancelled at 8:20. So, as usual when a schedule change occurs, I have no idea what to do (yes, I have a little Aspie in me, but doesnt everyone?) I have a buttload of cooking to do, and I also really need to clean my kitchen well before I get to cooking. Even though I am not hosting, I am doing most of the cooking, here's the breakdown:
Fennel Sage Turkey (20lbs)
Turkey gravy
Mashed potatoes (with cream demands my 11 yr old sister)
Fresh Green bean casserole with from scratch cream of mushroom
Sweet Potato Casserole
Cinnamon Apple Cranberry Sauce
Fall shaped shortbread cookies
Almond crunch Pumpkin cheesecake
See? Told you I'll be busy.

On the IF front, no crosshairs, no bfp, and my temps have dropped wayyyyy down, so I'm really hoping this is AF making her apperance. We'll see I guess. Off to cook I go.

Boo hiss

FF just took my crosshairs away. I feel like I worked for those things! Boooo. Stupid ovaries.

What a weekend!

Friday: My Dr's office calls and tell me my pregnancy test is negative. So even though it looks like I ovulated, ( http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2a74a1 )i've given up on this cycle, and hoping for some provera, but you know what? The Dr will not prescribe provera until I've missed 3 months of AF. I have a feeling I'll be waiting the whole 3 months. This totally depresses me. I am so sad to not be pregnant- I had my hopes up.

Saturday: I hang out with one of my very best friends. She's beautiful, single, and a mess. But I love her. She drinks, smokes, and has an e.at.ing dis.order, and at time has been a frequent flyer at the men.tal hosp.ital. She asks me a few questions about ovaries and such, and I suggest she take a hpt to rule it out, then not worry about it. I go buy her a test, and take her to a bathroom to take it. I stay in the bathroom as she takes it. I watch it, as I've watched so many of my own turn, well I'm just sure it will be a BFN, that's all I've ever seen. But the second pink line appears, ever so faint, and gets darker and darker. I tell her um, you're pregnant. She freaks, goes outside and smoke 1/2 dozen cigarettes. I go to the bathroom, and empty my stomach violently, shed a tear and go back and walk with her as she puffs smoke into her lungs. I take her to my home and give her one of my precious digital tests. "Pregnant" flashed upon the screen. She continues to freak. I take her to meet her bf (but doesnt tell him), calling and helping her get an ultra.sound set up. I go home, cry my eyeballs out and buy some pre.natal vitamins for her. She calls, doesnt want to tell anyone with word or action, I bring her home and make my guest room up for her. She stays up talking about her syptoms, I try to be reassuring. At 1 am I go to bed and cry my eyes out on hubby's shoulder.

Sunday: Pastor preaches on worry and fear. I get it- no more crying- it is in God's hands.
I know that God has plans for me. They may or may not include children. But I am ok with that, ok as I can be anyway. He is enough for me, and I mean more than I ever have before. Now I just need to be there for her.

As I said, what a weekend!

frustation

I am frustrated with myself for putting off this massive project. I am frustrated with my body for never doing what it is supposed to (I o'd, but 20 dpo and no AF) and I'm frustrated with 2 weeks of paychecks that haven't arrived, and myself for always saying yes to doing favors, when I really have more important things to do. I'm frustrated!!!

A few of my favorite things

So 18 dpo, no AF, and waiting until tomorrow to test again. I've done what I can on my paper before going to work, and instead of sitting here obsessing over all things PCOS, I will post my first attempt at a picture blog- my favorite things.

1. Fall decor


2. My family

3. My dogs

4. Hot cocoa

5.Little boys with Autism

6. Cast iron skillets

7. Pretty days at the beach

8. My new house

Saturday, oh how I love thee!

I was supposed to be shopping right now. My friend was coming down from Birmingham, and we were to spend today shopping and having fun. But alas, she had to stay home, and I am not going shopping alone, as I am trying to save money (although I did buy a few new sweaters yesterday-but i got a very good deal). So instead I am sitting in my pj's trying to get up the gumption to go make hubby some lunch for when he gets home. I should work on my paper all day today, becasue who know when I'll get the chance again. Key word being should. I'd rather go buy a book and read all day. That sounds like the perfect Saturday to me (especially given a peppermint mocha).

On the PCOS front, idk what is going on. 16 DPO, and no AF, no sign of AF, and another bfn this morning. I'd be happy to get either (much happier to get a bfp)..... looking like I'm rather broken after all. Doom, gloom, and despair.

Waiting Waiting Waiting

Seems to be the theme of my life. It is not my favorite thing- at all. Currently I am waiting until it is time to test. I tested 2 days ago at 9dpo, and of coarse, BFN. But I can't let that get me down, because there's no way to be 100% accurate at 9 dpo. I'm now waiting until Wednesday, which will be 13 dpo. Why Wednesday instead of Thursday? I really have no reason, other that I think that's the longest I can talk myself into waiting. If it's a BFN, and AF doesn't arrive I'll prob'ly test again Saturday. The big reason for waiting till Wed, is that I am keeping my sister again until Tuesday night. I like having her around. If we get lucky enough to have kids like her, this parenting thing will be cake. Or like the cute little chubber in nursery at church yesterday morning, I could do that too :-). He looked exactly like my little brother did when he was a baby.

I'm a little ocd. It's totally effecting my ttc thoughts. And I like to do things early (see graduating from college in 3 yrs and getting married at 20), so when hubby said "March" I heard now. I think he'd be pretty happy once the initial shock wore off if this were it. I totally know that God will provide. I knew this before, but it really hit me Saturday night. Why Saturday night? I have no idea. I just know that before that I wanted a baby but was worried about how money and school would work in, and then I wasn't- at all. I know that no matter what, our baby will be loved and provided for. I know that DH's career will come along and it will all be ok.

Is overwhelming peace a symptom? If so, add it to the list, along with, bloating, sore bbs, nausea, headaches, gassiness, heartburn, increased during the day body temp, extereme tiredness, smell sensitivity, and spicy food craving (and pickles and asparagus also sound good). We'll see if it's all in my head.

Meanwhile, in the theme of waiting, I sit here, waiting for a hurricane to arrive. That's right, a hurricane in November.......hoping that power isn't out too long, and maybe for a day off work. We'll see how this goes down. Some schools here are already cancelled, but as of 9 am, they moved the track over just a little. As long as we aren't on the west side of this thing we're good. Hurricane's are unpleasant, but Category 1 and under, aren't terrifying. Tornadoes on the other hand- no thanks, and in this cold, on the west side of a hurricane, we'd be looking at some tornadoes.

Think I'll be doing some homework and listen to the emergency sirens on the tv go off.

Hopeful

So this week is shaping up to be a good week. At least, that's the way i feel right now. It might just be because my hormones seem to finally be in balance, semi by themselves, for the first time in 3 years. I'm in the 2ww, as those trying to conceive say. I havent really told hubby that there's a possibility, since it wasnt in the plan. Ok, I may have mentioned there was a tiny chance, but I always say that (going to Christian school teaches you that sex=babies, no matter what) , so he doesnt know that this is the closest we've ever been. I think it would be a good surprise if we were, and a good surprise if I acutally got AF too, because that would mean my body is working.

Not so on the weight loss front. Idk what is going on, but the weight loss is still at 2 lbs. Somethings gotta give. Seriously.

I actually worked on my project yesterday. Granted it was not very much, but that's better than nothing. I'm really planning to start implementing something by next Monday. I've gotta finish at least one of these classes! I'm trying to decide whether to take a class next semester. 800 $ we don't have tells me no, but if I don't I lose my spot in the program, and chances are they could get rid of the program. Choices choices.

And now I'm done rambling.

Things are starting to look up!

Fertility Friend is saying that I ovulated. Perhaps I am less broken than I thought? I was totally expecting to do the soy, and the met, and for absolutely nothing to happen. So I took the soy, all my viatamins, and met, excercised, and even ate more vegetables, even *gasp* stopped drinking sodas, but I didn't excpect anything to happen. Sadly, weight wise, like nothing has happened, I've maybe lost a measley two lbs, however, it looks like I ovulated!!!! Check it out people!
My Ovulation Chart

In other news, today is Halloween. Poor Hubby has to work, but my mom and dad are bringing my little sister over to go trick-r-treating, and I'm dressing up my puppies. Buddy the dashund is going as a hotdog. :-) Until then though, I should really clean my house and do some HW!

Yuck!

I don't think anyone but me reads this, but TMI alert.
The metformin is most definatley giving me side effects......my stomach hasn't been this sick since daily eating at Cathcart at CCC freshman year. But, I've lost 1/2 lb already.....and if that continues, I'm thinking this might just be worth it. Of coarse I am supposed to be eating really healthy, and excercising too, and doing that even without the medicine should give me some results. I made a semis healthy dinner last night- chicken sausage, organic mac n cheese, and asparagus, and went for a quick bike ride with DJ.
Agenda for the day: be lazy, go to work, go walking with a friend, and maybe go visit my family......and make lots of trips to the potty in between all those things- like now, adios.

Here we goooo!

So when I went to the DR yesterdday I had a long list of concerns, at the top of the list- metformin. The DR prescribed 500mg 2x per day. I just took my first pill......I feel nauseated already- but maybe it's just in my head! Meanwhile, I'm seeing babies everywhere. DJ says we wait until March to try. I know I need this vauable time to loose weight and let met do it's thing, but I feel that pull.....that let's make a baby pull.....it's going to be a very long 5 months.

praying for a miracle......

I work with kids with Autism. I love them. I love their parents. I really respect their parents- they do so much!!! However, something I see many parents do, is change their child's treatment, hoping for a miracle cure. Chelation, the GFCF diet, RDI, probiotics, hyperbaric chamber, etc etc. I'm not saying these things work, or don't work. I'm just saying that parents try them, expecting they cure their child over night. That just doesnt happen. But it doesn't stop these parents from trying! I say that if it were me in that situation I wouldn't try any of the crazy, non-research based methods. But honestly, I can't promise that. If it were my child, I think I'd try everything, crazy or not, to help my child.

I'm getting a small dose of this. My PCOS symptoms have been horrible lately. Can you believe I've gained about 85 lbs in the past 4 years?! And that's not the only thing that my body has done because of this. I am miserable, and I really want a baby. At this point I'm searching for a miracle cure, taking all kinds of vitamins and herbs, and going to the DR to ask about metformin tomorrow. I'm praying it's my miracle pill. That somehow my body will just say "Oh yeah, this is what I'm supposed to do!"

I just want to get better, and be a mommy, and for my boys to all get better too. I love them so much. I think if given the choice- them getting better or me being a mommy.......I'd pick them. Which is crazy, because I want to be a mommy more than anything......or maybe I don't. I might not be a mommy, but I love those boys as if they were my own.

Give me a break, give me a break.......

I'm on my break from work. I currently have about ten minutes before I have to head back. Not sure why I chose to come home rather than stay at the office and do schoolwork. I ended up coming home for a grand total of an hour, making myself a salad, and prepping stuff for dinner- getting out hamburger meat for chili and cutting green tomatoes and soaking them in buttermilk/hotsauce mixture for frying later. I really should've stayed at the office this morning!

Good morning session, although I love working with each of the kids, I'll admit I get a special rush when working on something academic with the higher functioning kiddos- guess it's my education background......but then again i get a special rush when properly extinguishing problem behaviors, and also whenever the lower functioning kiddos finally gets something. I'm lucky. I love my job. I don't love the money issues I'm having with it right now.......but I do love my job. Two afternoon sessions, and I really better hop to getting ready for them! Later alligators.

new blog continued.....

I decided to make dinner. I ended up making up a recipe for cheesy ham and potato soup. It took me two hours, but was beyond amazingly delicious. Now for a bubble bath and bed time. :-)

A new blog.........

I've had my fair share of blogs, all of which seem to have lost my interest and now sit, out in cyberspace, unloved and unposted upon. Why start a new blog you ask? (Or maybe you didn't) Why write for all the world (or absolutely no one) to read?
The answer is short, and somewhat embarrassing - to procrastinate, and at the same time to stop procrastinating. I need an outlet both to avoid what I should be doing, and to identify what it is I should be doing, decide why I am not doing it, write about what I'd rather do, and then, in a moment of both defeat and triumph- get off the computer and do it!
So why start a new blog to do this? Why not just go back to one of my old blogs? To be truthful, those blogs were written at a time different from now. I have changed, and the things I once wrote about have lost their luster. Those chapters in my life have closed. I'd like to move on and explore where my life is going, rather than where it has been. Here I sit rambling to no one in particular, and thinking very exciting thoughts about where this next year might take me, but I have a new blog to fill with those hopes and dreams, on a day other than today.
There are many things that I should be doing instead of creating a blog- cooking dinner for my snoring hubby, mopping my floors, looking up grammar rules for work, or even doing some schoolwork. None of these things appeal to me much at the moment- all the more reason to get off my but and do them............So farewell for now my new baby blog. (babies, now there' a future post for sure)