5 weeks

Anna's shower yesterday was soooo sooo long, but she got a ton of stuff, and for that I am grateful. I was there for over 8 hours. Wow. That was a serious baby shower. It was difficult to be there at some points. I still find myself thinking as if I am not pregnant. And it is impossible to not let my mind drift to what could happen. But i am truly trying to put that out of my mind and believe that in about eight months I will have a healthy baby. Today i made my first purchase. Yes, I know it is still early. But I bought a tiny sleeper that is gender neutral and says "mommy loves me". I pray that I get to see it put to good use. I also bought some maternity bras without under wires, because the ones i have now hurt if I wear them for longer than an hour or so. 2 weeks and 3 days until the ultrasound. I know it will come quicker if I just stop thinking about it. So that is what I am going to try to do. Just stop thinking about it.

Still here

That is, the baby is still here, and I'm still here. This week has dragged by. I wonder if it is because i am waiting for the 14th, or if it is because of something else. Some kind of pregnancy time warp.

Anna's baby shower is tomorrow. I was planning to be completely sullen during it, and then cry bitterly afterward. Really, that has been my plan for months. However, now I guess I will just be happy for her. :-) Yesterday i went over to help clean before the big event. However, I could not stand being there for more than an hour. There was cat and dog urine and feces everywhere, and piles and piles of stuff everywhere the eye could see. (and even where the eye couldn't see) Anna's mom had me dusting. I didn't really see the point of dusting, with everything the way it was, but I did it. The smell was unbearable. And I think it would have been even without the pregnancy nose. And I have to be there for four+ hours tomorrow. Yikes. Can't wait until it's over. I think Anna feels the same way. I wanted to throw her a nice quiet shower at my house, but her mom got involved and ended up inviting 80 people. There is no way I could fit more than 18 people in my tiny house. Today I am working on cooking for tomorrow. Sorry to complain, but I am completely overwhelmed. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep for a few days.

My Poor Beach

My heart is broken. I had hoped to be able to have a tan little beach baby next year. For the past 23 years, this beach has been my second home. Its waves tossing me over soft sandbars,its tranquility providing a backdrop for DH's and my entire relationship, its waters providing fish for my dinner, its beauty captivating my summers, and now this.

Betas

After getting the snot beat out of me at work for about 20 minutes by a 150lb 10 year old, my Dr called and gave me the results. Beta 1 @11dpo was 41, and #2 @13 dpo was 104. Number wise, I'm not sure if those are good or bad, but I know that the fact that they more than doubled is a good sign. I scheduled my first Dr appointment for July 14th. 23 days really seems like forever to me!

And I told two of my co-workers. Because I really don't need to be getting beat up on a regular basis, and they need to know why I am not doing my job. Usually I would happily do what needed to be done and go home bleeding and black and blue, but I'm thinking that's just not safe for a pregnant woman.

My dh texted me to ask if I was taking Folic acid. His father told him to. I don't know what's cuter. Lol!

Because we are self-employed/contract workers, and pay for our insurance out of pocket, we do not have maternity coverage. So tomorrow I am sucking up my pride and going to apply for medicaid. With DH starting nursing school and my limited hours I know it's our only choice. I am so thankful for this option, I don't know what we'd do without it.

We told.

Sorry my last title was misleading. We told our parents today (and my siblings because they live at home, and DH's grandmother because she lives with his parents.)

We told my parents first. My mom has been really sick, and didn't want to get up to watch my dad open his gifts, but I talked her into it. He opened his hat and was like, "oohhh....,Am I going to be a Grandpa?" I said "Yes sir" He was like "Will it be here in time for hunting season?" Lol. He was very excited. My mom was a little miffed about me not telling her when she asked earlier in the week, but was excited. My 20 year old brother was indifferent. And my 12 year old sister was happy and sad. Sad because "she's the princess" Her words not mine. My mom called a few hours after we left and left me a message saying that she couldn't believe it and was so excited. She keeps saying it's twins or triplets. Twins would be ok, but anything more scares me to death. She's almost always wrong though.


Dh's parents were easier to corral into opening the hat. my FIL opened it, and was like "ok" and looked at me, and then our dogs. I said "it's not from the 'grandpuppies'" and his face got really white. He and MIL and his Mom were all talking at once and were very excited. I just hope they don't tell anyone (we all go to the same church!)

Overall I think it went great. It's nice having them know, and praying with us. I should get my beta results in the morning. Hoping all is well!

(Sweet DH is playing the guitar and singing to me and 'baby embryo' as he's taken to calling baby. I think it's really hitting him today.)

Also, I was reading "What to eat when you're expecting" and their example of a very odd craving- pickles and green apples in salsa didn't sound half bad! Guess it's hitting me too.

I take it back

I can't not tell my mom. After DH she is my very best friend and she already knows. Out of the blue she has already asked twice and I laughed it off. I can't keep it from her for 2-3 more weeks. So DH says we tell both sets of parents tomorrow. I got our dads both hats that say "All Star Grandpa" (they aren't allowed to wear them until we are 10-12 weeks though. I think it will feel better to tell them. Plus little "famous"<-------(what I'm calling baby until we know it's sex, because it rhymes with our last name) needs all the prayers he or she can get. I am having some cramping, and each time a symptom goes away at all, or I feel a twinge of pain I get nervous. And then I have to give it back to God. This is His baby, and I trust Him with it completely (or at least I am trying to!)

A week from today I am throwing Anna a baby shower. It is so hard to believe only 7 months ago the two of us were so broken by her pregnancy. This baby has brought life back into that girl, and for that I am so thankful. I can't wait to meet the little prince.

3w5d

It is official. My Dr.'s office called and confirmed I was pregnant on a voice mail. Unfortunately, the woman who left the message didn't find it necessary to let me know the actual beta numbers. I guess I will have to wait until Monday. Tomorrow I am going in for my second beta. I know it's still very early, so I am nervous about the results. I am also having some cramping/ sharp pains. Not all day, just every once in a while, like if I sneeze. But I am concerned about an ectopic. I don't think I will feel better until I actually see my healthy little embryo, preferably with a heartbeat.

I told DH with a "dad to be" card that I found in the Fathers Day section. He is thrilled and a little scared. We aren't going to tell anyone else for at least a few weeks. I'd really like to have a Dr. appointment before we tell our parents, so maybe around 6 weeks. I'll start telling close friends around ten weeks, and then let other people know around 12-13 weeks. I'm pretty nervous about all of this, but I am doing my best to hand it over to God. I just wish I could tell my mom.

I am pregnant.

I can't believe I just typed that. I really can't believe that, according to four pregnancy tests it's true. This is all God. I prayed and fasted and gave it to Him, and He gave me this baby. I pray that it is a baby that grows healthy and strong. At 3w3d, I know the chances of something going wrong between now and February. But I give those thoughts and worries to Him. I'm just going to relish the fact that I am pregnant. PREGNANT! I just can't believe it. Tonight I'm going to tell DH when he comes home. I hope he's as thrilled as I am. Pray for me and little bean ladies.

My Dr's office finally got my progesterone results back- 18.9 at 5dpo. I'm thinking that's pretty good. Go in for betas tomorrow and Saturday.

And to those of you who read my posts, and have not gotten your bfp's yet. I pray that you will soon. If you stop reading and commenting, I will totally 100% understand.

First picture is of me now, so that in 6-10 weeks I can look back and see how we've grown.

And second picture is my favorite BFP. The one I'll show hubby when he comes home tonight.

This is miserable.

7 dpo, my temps are inconclusive, and my symptoms are miserable! My bbs and back are killing me, I continue to be super hungry, and have cried 3-4 times in the past few days (Usually if not on bcps I might cry once per month) Off and on I have had ovary? pains. I can't tell if this is pms from hell or whether I should keep hoping. I hate over analyzing everything!!! Coffee smelled bad to me yesterday. DH, Anna, and my mom have all said "Maybe you're pg" but really truly. I don't think I am. I just want to POAS, see the negative, and move on. But.....alas I am only 5-7 dpo. I should wait for another week. Grrr. I just want to scream. And I think it's more clomid than the situation. In fact, I am blaming all my symptoms on clomid, from now on.

Well

No spotting today. That can only be a good thing. My boobs are killing me, and I am both super tired and very hungry. Too early, I know, but that's how I feel. And these temps? Well, they look to good to be true if you ask me. Praying, and waiting on the Lord.

The two week wait

I think, has ended before it started. I am on cd 18, and presumable 3dpo, as my temps have risen (and in today's case jumped) higher and higher each day. If I did indeed o on cd 15, DH and I *should* have caught it. We bd'd all but the day before (because he wasn't home)However, yesterday I had some watery brown-ish spotting, and today I had some bright red spotting. I'm not sure what it means, but every scenario I can think of for it is not good. If I were to make it through the entire 2ww, I suppose I would test on Father's day. But if I'm spotting already, and breaking out and having back pain, I'm thinking AF is well on her way. I really don't know at this point. Every time I feel like I'm getting somewhere my body says "HA! Had you fooled, have that" GO in for my p4 blood draw on Friday. Still didn't get and answer from the DR office about the progesterone, so I think as soon as the blood test is over I'm going to the vitamin store and buying some progesterone cream. The results won't be in for 4-5 days, so I'm going to use it just in case until I a) find out I don't need it b) find out I do need it and get a script or c) find out that my body is a very good actress and I never really o'd. Praying and hoping for a miracle bfp, but not getting my hopes up.

My chart

It seems that

The + ovulation test was for true. I tested like four times yesterday, and all but the morning one were also +. My chart is not looking too bad either. http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2a74a1
:-)

My first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O! Well, at least my very first positive opk! I am soo sooo soooooo very excited. (Only would be more excited if hubby were home to bd to celebrate, but he comes home tonight, so i think we'll catch it)I put the test down, expecting it to be a - as always, and when I looked back, a lovely second line. Hoping it's not the only first this cycle :-) Anyway, thought I'd celebrate with a little FIRSTs blog entry.

First Memory:
Sitting in my car seat in my dad's little blue truck waiting for him to get in.
First nickname:
knot head- my dad called me that because I had really tangle-y hair

First School:
Pen.sacola Chris.tian Aca.demy (k-12 baby!)

First date:
6th grade, I went skating with my "bf" at a roller rink

First Car:
1997 Thunder.bird

First heart break:
John V. I dumped him, but my heart was broken at age 14. The first time I remember my heart actually hurting.
First Kiss:
My 17th birthday. DH and I were dating, he told me he loved me for the first time and kissed me in my driveway. Interestingly enough in about the same place my first memory took place.

First time:
Our wedding night.

First +opk: Today!!!!!!! Yay!

My poor beach.

I live on the gulf coast. You may or may not have heard about the oi.l spi.ll that is pumping thousands of gallons of oi.l into the Gulf of Mexico. A while back they said that it was supposed to be here, but never came, the wind changed or something. So we all got pretty hopeful it would just go away. But the weather has changed, the wind has shifted and today when I went to the beach, the beautiful white sand was brown and covered in tar balls. My heart is breaking. I have lived here all my life, and love nothing more than spending a day at the beach. I wanted to share this with my children. They say it will take decades to get rid of. My heart is broken.

As for my cycle, AF went away on cd12. Am feeling some weird pain on my left ovary today. Ovulation or a cyst? OPK's have all been negative. And DH is going away for the whole weekend starting tonight. Hoping if the O is coming it waits till Monday or Tuesday so that we can give it a good shot.