Friday: My Dr's office calls and tell me my pregnancy test is negative. So even though it looks like I ovulated, ( http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2a74a1 )i've given up on this cycle, and hoping for some provera, but you know what? The Dr will not prescribe provera until I've missed 3 months of AF. I have a feeling I'll be waiting the whole 3 months. This totally depresses me. I am so sad to not be pregnant- I had my hopes up.
Saturday: I hang out with one of my very best friends. She's beautiful, single, and a mess. But I love her. She drinks, smokes, and has an e.at.ing dis.order, and at time has been a frequent flyer at the men.tal hosp.ital. She asks me a few questions about ovaries and such, and I suggest she take a hpt to rule it out, then not worry about it. I go buy her a test, and take her to a bathroom to take it. I stay in the bathroom as she takes it. I watch it, as I've watched so many of my own turn, well I'm just sure it will be a BFN, that's all I've ever seen. But the second pink line appears, ever so faint, and gets darker and darker. I tell her um, you're pregnant. She freaks, goes outside and smoke 1/2 dozen cigarettes. I go to the bathroom, and empty my stomach violently, shed a tear and go back and walk with her as she puffs smoke into her lungs. I take her to my home and give her one of my precious digital tests. "Pregnant" flashed upon the screen. She continues to freak. I take her to meet her bf (but doesnt tell him), calling and helping her get an ultra.sound set up. I go home, cry my eyeballs out and buy some pre.natal vitamins for her. She calls, doesnt want to tell anyone with word or action, I bring her home and make my guest room up for her. She stays up talking about her syptoms, I try to be reassuring. At 1 am I go to bed and cry my eyes out on hubby's shoulder.
Sunday: Pastor preaches on worry and fear. I get it- no more crying- it is in God's hands.
I know that God has plans for me. They may or may not include children. But I am ok with that, ok as I can be anyway. He is enough for me, and I mean more than I ever have before. Now I just need to be there for her.
As I said, what a weekend!
I am so, so sorry you have to deal with this right on top of a BFN. You're a very good friend for putting your feelings aside to help her in her time of need, far better than most other people.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a hectic weekend. You handled everything so brilliantly, you can be very proud of yourself. xx
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