and a little rant

I didn't want to include this rant in my 17 week post, because I want to look back on those with happy thoughts.

So at the babyshower yesterday I was eating some strawberries. My grandmother says "oh, those are good for you, no calories." I couldn't let it roll off my back and said, actually, I'm trying to gain weight, so I'm eating these because I want them, not because they are lo-cal. She says "Why in the world would you try to gain weight?!??!?!?!" Well, I tell her, I happen to be carrying twins, and my doctor wants me to gain 24 lbs by 24 weeks, and so far all I've done is lost 15. She went on and on about how overweight I was, and how the babies were so small and didn't need for me to gain weight. Then, when my uncle comes over to pick up his wife, and she starts back in on it, and he says "Why in the world would a DR tell you to gain weight" and he goes on and on with her about how overweight I am and how I should keep loosing weight etc etc. I was too tired to think about it much by the time everyone left. ( a rude guest showed up 3 hrs early, and the shower ended up lasting from 3:30 until about 10:30 pm!) But today, I come home from a long hard day at work to an empty house (I miss my DH!!!) and just feel like crying and crying. I'm already feeling really guilty about not being at a good weight when starting this pregnancy, and now I have family telling me how fat I am, and a DR urging me to gain 50 lbs. I haven't gained one, and I still feel like I can't eat. And I really feel like I can't win. Blah!