5 weeks

Anna's shower yesterday was soooo sooo long, but she got a ton of stuff, and for that I am grateful. I was there for over 8 hours. Wow. That was a serious baby shower. It was difficult to be there at some points. I still find myself thinking as if I am not pregnant. And it is impossible to not let my mind drift to what could happen. But i am truly trying to put that out of my mind and believe that in about eight months I will have a healthy baby. Today i made my first purchase. Yes, I know it is still early. But I bought a tiny sleeper that is gender neutral and says "mommy loves me". I pray that I get to see it put to good use. I also bought some maternity bras without under wires, because the ones i have now hurt if I wear them for longer than an hour or so. 2 weeks and 3 days until the ultrasound. I know it will come quicker if I just stop thinking about it. So that is what I am going to try to do. Just stop thinking about it.

Still here

That is, the baby is still here, and I'm still here. This week has dragged by. I wonder if it is because i am waiting for the 14th, or if it is because of something else. Some kind of pregnancy time warp.

Anna's baby shower is tomorrow. I was planning to be completely sullen during it, and then cry bitterly afterward. Really, that has been my plan for months. However, now I guess I will just be happy for her. :-) Yesterday i went over to help clean before the big event. However, I could not stand being there for more than an hour. There was cat and dog urine and feces everywhere, and piles and piles of stuff everywhere the eye could see. (and even where the eye couldn't see) Anna's mom had me dusting. I didn't really see the point of dusting, with everything the way it was, but I did it. The smell was unbearable. And I think it would have been even without the pregnancy nose. And I have to be there for four+ hours tomorrow. Yikes. Can't wait until it's over. I think Anna feels the same way. I wanted to throw her a nice quiet shower at my house, but her mom got involved and ended up inviting 80 people. There is no way I could fit more than 18 people in my tiny house. Today I am working on cooking for tomorrow. Sorry to complain, but I am completely overwhelmed. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep for a few days.

My Poor Beach

My heart is broken. I had hoped to be able to have a tan little beach baby next year. For the past 23 years, this beach has been my second home. Its waves tossing me over soft sandbars,its tranquility providing a backdrop for DH's and my entire relationship, its waters providing fish for my dinner, its beauty captivating my summers, and now this.

Betas

After getting the snot beat out of me at work for about 20 minutes by a 150lb 10 year old, my Dr called and gave me the results. Beta 1 @11dpo was 41, and #2 @13 dpo was 104. Number wise, I'm not sure if those are good or bad, but I know that the fact that they more than doubled is a good sign. I scheduled my first Dr appointment for July 14th. 23 days really seems like forever to me!

And I told two of my co-workers. Because I really don't need to be getting beat up on a regular basis, and they need to know why I am not doing my job. Usually I would happily do what needed to be done and go home bleeding and black and blue, but I'm thinking that's just not safe for a pregnant woman.

My dh texted me to ask if I was taking Folic acid. His father told him to. I don't know what's cuter. Lol!

Because we are self-employed/contract workers, and pay for our insurance out of pocket, we do not have maternity coverage. So tomorrow I am sucking up my pride and going to apply for medicaid. With DH starting nursing school and my limited hours I know it's our only choice. I am so thankful for this option, I don't know what we'd do without it.

We told.

Sorry my last title was misleading. We told our parents today (and my siblings because they live at home, and DH's grandmother because she lives with his parents.)

We told my parents first. My mom has been really sick, and didn't want to get up to watch my dad open his gifts, but I talked her into it. He opened his hat and was like, "oohhh....,Am I going to be a Grandpa?" I said "Yes sir" He was like "Will it be here in time for hunting season?" Lol. He was very excited. My mom was a little miffed about me not telling her when she asked earlier in the week, but was excited. My 20 year old brother was indifferent. And my 12 year old sister was happy and sad. Sad because "she's the princess" Her words not mine. My mom called a few hours after we left and left me a message saying that she couldn't believe it and was so excited. She keeps saying it's twins or triplets. Twins would be ok, but anything more scares me to death. She's almost always wrong though.


Dh's parents were easier to corral into opening the hat. my FIL opened it, and was like "ok" and looked at me, and then our dogs. I said "it's not from the 'grandpuppies'" and his face got really white. He and MIL and his Mom were all talking at once and were very excited. I just hope they don't tell anyone (we all go to the same church!)

Overall I think it went great. It's nice having them know, and praying with us. I should get my beta results in the morning. Hoping all is well!

(Sweet DH is playing the guitar and singing to me and 'baby embryo' as he's taken to calling baby. I think it's really hitting him today.)

Also, I was reading "What to eat when you're expecting" and their example of a very odd craving- pickles and green apples in salsa didn't sound half bad! Guess it's hitting me too.

I take it back

I can't not tell my mom. After DH she is my very best friend and she already knows. Out of the blue she has already asked twice and I laughed it off. I can't keep it from her for 2-3 more weeks. So DH says we tell both sets of parents tomorrow. I got our dads both hats that say "All Star Grandpa" (they aren't allowed to wear them until we are 10-12 weeks though. I think it will feel better to tell them. Plus little "famous"<-------(what I'm calling baby until we know it's sex, because it rhymes with our last name) needs all the prayers he or she can get. I am having some cramping, and each time a symptom goes away at all, or I feel a twinge of pain I get nervous. And then I have to give it back to God. This is His baby, and I trust Him with it completely (or at least I am trying to!)

A week from today I am throwing Anna a baby shower. It is so hard to believe only 7 months ago the two of us were so broken by her pregnancy. This baby has brought life back into that girl, and for that I am so thankful. I can't wait to meet the little prince.

3w5d

It is official. My Dr.'s office called and confirmed I was pregnant on a voice mail. Unfortunately, the woman who left the message didn't find it necessary to let me know the actual beta numbers. I guess I will have to wait until Monday. Tomorrow I am going in for my second beta. I know it's still very early, so I am nervous about the results. I am also having some cramping/ sharp pains. Not all day, just every once in a while, like if I sneeze. But I am concerned about an ectopic. I don't think I will feel better until I actually see my healthy little embryo, preferably with a heartbeat.

I told DH with a "dad to be" card that I found in the Fathers Day section. He is thrilled and a little scared. We aren't going to tell anyone else for at least a few weeks. I'd really like to have a Dr. appointment before we tell our parents, so maybe around 6 weeks. I'll start telling close friends around ten weeks, and then let other people know around 12-13 weeks. I'm pretty nervous about all of this, but I am doing my best to hand it over to God. I just wish I could tell my mom.