I haven't blogged much lately, partly because I've been to busy, and partly because I haven't felt like it. But today, for some reason, I felt like posting. Still not charting, though I did sneak an opk in a few days ago, and not much to report, but this exciting tidbit- AF is here. I'm 90% positive of it this time. I've been spotting to light bleeding for I'd say the last 45 days, but yesterday I'm pretty sure I started. I have the tell-tale backache and br.east tenderness. More ovarian twinges than actual cramps, but i expect this to be light since I've bled the whole cycle. And I think I will skip the soy this cycle. Que Cera cera. :-) I want so badly to become a mommy, however, I know that I need to chill out a bit before that happens.
DH is working hard to finish all of his entrance requirements for the nursing program which starts in June. We found out it's June until June. Which means the perfect time for our little one to enter the world would be from May to August 2011. (But honestly any time in my opinion would be perfect) I just pray that everything happens as it's supposed to.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Happy Anniversary.
I've been a bad blogger. Because about a week ago I decided to stop. Stop temping, stop checking cm, etc. It was just becoming too stressful. I'll continue the metformin and we won't be using protection, but other than that we're not going to be trying for the next 6 months or so. If we get surprised it will be a blessing, but if not, well, we'll look at things again in 6 months.
In other news tomorrow marks our 2 year anniversary. It has been a wonderful 2 years! We have spent the past four days off together working on putting new flooring in our living/dining room. And visiting the beautiful beach. The beach where we got married two years ago. It was a beautiful day when we got married. It was cloudy, but as we said our vows (I'm not joking) the clouds rolled away and the sun shone down on my love and I. Then, as we walked back down the aisle a flock of pelicans flew over in v formation. Other than the stomach bug we both got that prevented us from going on our honeymoon, our wedding was pretty darn awesome.
It was a long road getting to that point. We met in our church youth group when I was 14 and he was 19. I had a crush on him, and he on me, but we stayed good friends until he moved away when I was 16. We emailed and talked and when he came to visit a few months later we informed each other of our feelings and though it probably wasn't right at the time we would wait until it was right. So a few months later, when he and his family came to visit for Christmas, we decided to begin dating. He and his family went back home, and we talked on the phone and emailed. He came to see me for my 17th birthday, and we had our first kiss. (my very first kiss) He had to go back home and we emailed an talked for the next year. He came to my senior "prom" and then moved back here to be with me the weekend of my high school graduation. That summer I decided to go away to college. That only lasted a year, because I missed him (and my family) so much. The year after I moved back we got engaged, and then a year after that was our beautiful wedding! (that's a very condensed version)
I feel like this was a long and boring post, and I'm sorry for being behind in commenting. I'm trying to find a happy medium between not focusing on infertility and being obsessed.
In other news tomorrow marks our 2 year anniversary. It has been a wonderful 2 years! We have spent the past four days off together working on putting new flooring in our living/dining room. And visiting the beautiful beach. The beach where we got married two years ago. It was a beautiful day when we got married. It was cloudy, but as we said our vows (I'm not joking) the clouds rolled away and the sun shone down on my love and I. Then, as we walked back down the aisle a flock of pelicans flew over in v formation. Other than the stomach bug we both got that prevented us from going on our honeymoon, our wedding was pretty darn awesome.
It was a long road getting to that point. We met in our church youth group when I was 14 and he was 19. I had a crush on him, and he on me, but we stayed good friends until he moved away when I was 16. We emailed and talked and when he came to visit a few months later we informed each other of our feelings and though it probably wasn't right at the time we would wait until it was right. So a few months later, when he and his family came to visit for Christmas, we decided to begin dating. He and his family went back home, and we talked on the phone and emailed. He came to see me for my 17th birthday, and we had our first kiss. (my very first kiss) He had to go back home and we emailed an talked for the next year. He came to my senior "prom" and then moved back here to be with me the weekend of my high school graduation. That summer I decided to go away to college. That only lasted a year, because I missed him (and my family) so much. The year after I moved back we got engaged, and then a year after that was our beautiful wedding! (that's a very condensed version)
I feel like this was a long and boring post, and I'm sorry for being behind in commenting. I'm trying to find a happy medium between not focusing on infertility and being obsessed.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Home Sweet Home
Last week was such a long week! I am so happy to be home again. And, in more good news, the bleeding stopped, and my cm is turning watery, my cp is high , and I think I'm actually feeling some activity in my ovaries. I'm praying that means that I'm ovulating soon. We've been bd ing. But I refuse to get my hopes up. I just want see something (anything) happen like it's supposed to. Even if it means just getting a period in less that 60 days. I've saved the best news for last. DH got accepted into the summer seating of the nursing program he's been trying to get into for the past year. It's been a good few days. The Lord is good.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Autism and fertility musings
Anna asked me if this week has scared me away from wanting children. Most certainly not! If I can do this, I can do anything. For the purpose of this blog I will call the child I am watching "Noodle".
Noodle and I have a special relationship, I guess you'd say. A love/hate relationship. Sometimes he doesn't like me, but he will do things for me that he won't do for others, like say "ooo" when I tell him to, put his shoes on, and get on the school bus without a fuss apparently. But when we but heads, we but heads. It has been an interesting week because as a babysitter I am here to keep him safe and let him have fun, but I can't take my ABA therapist hat off like I would if he weren't a child I do therapy with. Like the night before last. When I told him to eat dinner, and he ran to the living room, throwing himself on the floor, banging his head on the floor and scratching his face. I had to make him get up (despite the fact that he pulled handfuls of my hair out and clawed my face) and make him eat at least a little of his dinner. Because he has to do what I tell him. Whether he wants to or not (or has to communicate that he doesn't want to in a more appropriate manner) Noodle has had many of these incidents with me at the clinic where I work with him, but somehow, they are different at home. I will say they have, for the most part been in shorter duration.
On a happier note, every day when I have gotten him off of the bus this week, we have gone to the clinic (not his favorite place in the world by any means!) But yesterday, I didn't have to work. So when he got in the car, I handed him a soda and strand of beads and we went to target. When we got out of the car, he had the biggest smile I've ever seen, and gave me a huge hug (he's not a hugger, at all). Lol. we're going back today. And I made him his favorite cinnamon rolls for breakfast. (even though he's on a restricted calorie diet) Because, after all, I am the babysitter this week. I just happen to wear a therapist hat. :-)
Anna is coming to meet Noodle today. She has never met anyone with Autism. A 140lb 10yr old, with a developmental age of 18-22 months should give her a very interesting first look, I think. I also think that everyone should at least acquaint themselves (and their children) with a few children with different disabilities, #1 because their parents are deserving of our friendship, and #2 People in society really have no idea what it's like to be around people with special needs. And that needs to change! We need to accept people who are different from us, because after all, they are just different, not less. We can learn things from them.
Anna finds out Tuesday if she is having a boy or girl. I am not going to the ultra.sound with her. because I have to work (though honestly, the more she looks and acts pregnant the harder this is getting) So maybe, in some corner of my heart, I don't really want to go.
As for my cycle. I have no idea wtf is going on. Still spotting, it's been heavier, but there's been a major thermal shift. Since we've been at Noodle's house, sleeping on a tempur.pedic mattress. I'm not sure if it's responsible, or if I somehow O'd somehow. Idk. I guess time will tell.
Noodle and I have a special relationship, I guess you'd say. A love/hate relationship. Sometimes he doesn't like me, but he will do things for me that he won't do for others, like say "ooo" when I tell him to, put his shoes on, and get on the school bus without a fuss apparently. But when we but heads, we but heads. It has been an interesting week because as a babysitter I am here to keep him safe and let him have fun, but I can't take my ABA therapist hat off like I would if he weren't a child I do therapy with. Like the night before last. When I told him to eat dinner, and he ran to the living room, throwing himself on the floor, banging his head on the floor and scratching his face. I had to make him get up (despite the fact that he pulled handfuls of my hair out and clawed my face) and make him eat at least a little of his dinner. Because he has to do what I tell him. Whether he wants to or not (or has to communicate that he doesn't want to in a more appropriate manner) Noodle has had many of these incidents with me at the clinic where I work with him, but somehow, they are different at home. I will say they have, for the most part been in shorter duration.
On a happier note, every day when I have gotten him off of the bus this week, we have gone to the clinic (not his favorite place in the world by any means!) But yesterday, I didn't have to work. So when he got in the car, I handed him a soda and strand of beads and we went to target. When we got out of the car, he had the biggest smile I've ever seen, and gave me a huge hug (he's not a hugger, at all). Lol. we're going back today. And I made him his favorite cinnamon rolls for breakfast. (even though he's on a restricted calorie diet) Because, after all, I am the babysitter this week. I just happen to wear a therapist hat. :-)
Anna is coming to meet Noodle today. She has never met anyone with Autism. A 140lb 10yr old, with a developmental age of 18-22 months should give her a very interesting first look, I think. I also think that everyone should at least acquaint themselves (and their children) with a few children with different disabilities, #1 because their parents are deserving of our friendship, and #2 People in society really have no idea what it's like to be around people with special needs. And that needs to change! We need to accept people who are different from us, because after all, they are just different, not less. We can learn things from them.
Anna finds out Tuesday if she is having a boy or girl. I am not going to the ultra.sound with her. because I have to work (though honestly, the more she looks and acts pregnant the harder this is getting) So maybe, in some corner of my heart, I don't really want to go.
As for my cycle. I have no idea wtf is going on. Still spotting, it's been heavier, but there's been a major thermal shift. Since we've been at Noodle's house, sleeping on a tempur.pedic mattress. I'm not sure if it's responsible, or if I somehow O'd somehow. Idk. I guess time will tell.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
mommyhood practice
So my babysitting stay has begun. So far I have had the following normal parenting experiences:
However, my body , of coarse, has different plans. But I am on the search for a new Dr. to help me take control. Because I have bled for 22 out of the past 24 days, and there is no sign of anything changing soon. This might even be worse than waiting for AF, because now, I don't even know what I'm waiting for. There has to be a happy medium, right?
- packed a lunch
- wrote a teacher a note
- gotten a child on and off a school bus
- gotten only 3 hours of sleep in a night
- fixed a few kid approved meals
- been a chauffeur
- given baths
- loved on a sweet little man
- gotten no note back from shoddy special ed program
- been hit, scratched and screamed at for various transgressions, such as turning onto wrong streets, withholding coveted sodas, and messing up the schedule.
- taken a child to therapy
- been stared at in public by people who have no idea
- loved on a sweet little man
However, my body , of coarse, has different plans. But I am on the search for a new Dr. to help me take control. Because I have bled for 22 out of the past 24 days, and there is no sign of anything changing soon. This might even be worse than waiting for AF, because now, I don't even know what I'm waiting for. There has to be a happy medium, right?
Friday, February 19, 2010
WTF!?
Except for a lack a cramps, I'd swear by the symptoms I am starting another period? My cycle so far has been CD1-7 AF, cd8-9 sticky cm, cd 10-16 spotting, and today, cd 17 (or 1?) a light flow. I do not understand what is going on at all. I don't even know what to hope is going on. I'm so confused. I think the provera broke me!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I'm Frustrated!
So the spotting has continued. Not heavy enough to call a Dr (not that I have one to call) but it still worries me. No signs of upcoming O. I am hoping that this is not another 90+day cycle. That would be awful, especially since we want to actively try this cycle!!!! Meanwhile, Anna's belly is growing, reminding me of exactly what I don't have. I love her, but it's getting hard. I want to be a mommy sooooooooooooooo badly. Impossibly badly. And yet. The spotting continues with no sign of O. I hate this. It's sucking the happiness out of joyful situations and I just hate it.
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