I heart my babies

I ordered and at home doppler and it just came in the mail. I was able to find both babies' heartbeats. Pretty freakin cool :-)

pregnancy freakout

I am known to have freakouts. Where I curl up into a ball and cry as if the world is ending. My heart aches, my nose runs, and hubby tries desperately to console me. I used to have one at the change of semesters. Each new schedule would turn me into a ball of stress, until that ball exploded into a gush of tears.

So today, it could have just been the hormones, but I am pretty sure it is the culmination or realizing my life is going to change forever. I am feeling particularly yucky today. Tired, sore, nauseous, fat, just disgusting. I want to run away from my body and just feel ok for like an hour. That started my crying. But then I cried and cried. And the reasoning went from misery to terror.

What am I going to do with two babies? How will I be a good mother to them. How will we afford them? Will my marriage suffer from the stress of having two newborns? Will I realistically be able to work much longer in my pregnancy, and how long will it take me to get back to work afterward? Will my boys understand? Will they remember me and love me the same, or will they feel I have abandoned them? Who will take care of them if both I and pregnant co-worker are out? Will their parents stop bringing them? Will my children have Autism? How would I deal with twins with special needs?

The list goes on and on. Don't get me wrong. I am thrilled to be pregnant. And so happy that the Lord has seen fit to make it a twin pregnancy. But wow. Our lives are about to change. And I already love these little beans so much, I wouldn't want it any other way. I just hope that I am good enough for them. I just hope I can give them all they need, and still fulfill my roles as wife, therapist and Christian. And then, in the midst of my tears and worries. I feel my husband's loving hands wiping the hair out of my face. I feel the fullness low in my belly. And in my heart I hear "Be anxious for nothing." "Be still and know that I am God." "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you." And I know things will be ok.

I think I need to make a list of promises for this pregnancy, and put it somewhere that I can see it each day, and be reminded that these lives were divinely planned, and the Lord has great plans for them, and for me.

He's here

Anna had her little man today. He is beautiful, and she did great. I watched. Wow. Not sure about this!

9 weeks

How far along: 9 weeks

Growth: This week, babies are growing from the size of grapes to the size of kumquats (which actually seems like a big jump to me). They are going from .90 of an inch to 1.22 inches long. Also, they are doubling in weight from .07oz to .14 oz.

Symptoms: nausea, fatigue, boobs are still sore, but starting to feel a little better, I am still always hungry, yet pretty much everything grosses me out, my nausea sticks to the afternoon and evenings.

Total weight gain: -9lbs

Maternity clothes: I bought some maternity shorts, capris, and a maternity shirt. The bottoms were becoming necessary, the shirt was only five dollars and covered up the tummy panels in the bottoms. My mom bought me some maternity underwear and a sweater, but it'll be a while before I'm in those.

Stretch marks: no new ones yet

Sleep: Sleep at night is illusive. DH wakes me with his snoring, and then I have an awful time getting back to sleep. An hour later I'll wake up and have to pee. Afternoon naps are my friend. DH was gone this weekend, and I still tossed and turned all night.

Best moment this week: Getting my medicaid acceptance. It is a weight off of my shoulders knowing I and the babies will be covered. As much as I love being self-employed and DH being in school, the benefits SUCK. Praise the Lord for providing!

Movement: None that I can feel yet, but baby.center says they are moving already.

Food cravings: More like major food aversions. Cereal, cheese,some fruit, and toast, crackers and ice cream are the only things I can really tolerate.

Belly Button in or out: In. I think it will stay that way.

What I miss: having the energy to get things done after work.

What I am looking forward to: my next appt, August 10th, as well as moving up to the second trimester.

Milestones: 9wks, the beans are no longer embryos but are now fetuses.

How is daddy? Excited, and taking great care of me.

How are the grandparents? Proud. They can't wait for the babies to arrive.

soooo sick!

If I weren't pregnant I would be really happy with my scales right about now. Loosing about a lb ever day or two because I cannot stomach anything. I'm hoping this weight loss does not hurt my babies. My progesterone came back lower than it was right past ovulation, so they started me on prome.trium. I am trying really hard not to worry too much about it. Getting my blood drawn again Friday to see if my levels have gone up. Even though I am only working 4-6 hour days 4 days a week I am so so so very tired. I come home and lay in bed as soon as I get off work. Work has been interesting. We work with twins, I can't help but look at them and feel overwhelmed. But chances are I won't have Autistic twins. So that's a little less stress. So many things are running through my head. Just trying to get a little out. I am still feeling so blessed to be pregnant. And twins just adds to it. But I feel overwhelmed too. In a good way. The Lord has great plans. I just know it.

8 wk update

How far along: 8 weeks

Growth: This week, babies are growing from the size of kidney beans to the size of grapes. They are going from just over 1/2 of an inch to about an inch long.

Symptoms: nausea, fatigue, sore boobs, am always hungry, yet pretty much everything grosses me out, increased sense of smell.

Total weight gain: -7lbs

Maternity clothes: none yet, but I am already starting to show. I'm thinking by 12 weeks I'll probably have to buy some maternity pants

Stretch marks: no new ones yet

Sleep: Sleep at night is illusive. DH wakes me with his snoring, and then I have an awful time getting back to sleep. An hour later I'll wake up and have to pee. Afternoon naps are my friend.

Best moment this week: Seeing the little heartbeats, and finding that second baby. Although I don't know how I'm going to handle two, I am so thankful for my children and can't wait to meet them!

Movement: None that I can feel yet, but baby.center says they are moving already.

Food cravings: More like major food aversions. Cereal, cheese,some fruit, and toast are the only things I can really tolerate.

Belly Button in or out: In. I think it will stay that way.

What I miss: being able to be smelly places without almost puking.

What I am looking forward to: my next appt, August 10th, as well as moving up to the second trimester.

Milestones: Announcing to church and FB today that we are expecting.

How is daddy? Excited but stressed about logistics

How are the grandparents? Very excited, and happy they don't have to keep it a secret anymore!

1st appt update

So I had my first OB appt today. The ARNP saw me and I really liked her a lot. She spent a ton of time talking with us, and seemed really interested in all our questions and concerns. She saved the US for last, which kind of annoyed me, but I understood she had lots of other things to do. She found the baby, no problem. He or she is nice a snug in my womb ( was secretly worried about ectopic) And her/his little heart was fluttering away. We couldn't hear it, but she measured it at 153bpm. Then I asked if she could point out the yolk sac. She moved the wand around but said she was not good with sonograms. Then she said "Wait, is that another baby? It is, it is another baby! You're having twins!" So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. Twins. And they both have little heartbeats. Can't scan photos, but will try to take pics of them and upload soon. So happy to be having a healthy pregnancy, and twins? What a crazy, wonderful, unexpected blessing.