PCOS symptoms

So, I've been on Metformin for almost two months now, and am noticing little difference. No period, only suspected ovulation, very little weight loss, slight decrease in acne, and major increase in gastrointestinal issues. I have made a few discoveries with the met. #1 being that if I drink more water my stomach feels better. #2 If I skip my fish oil supplement my stomach gives me very few issues and #3 If I eat I get sick, but if I don't eat I seem to get sicker. The past few days have been the first time I have actually been hungry and wanted to eat. The rest of my time on met, I have only eaten because my stomach was growling, or I felt like I might pass out. Not sure what any of this means. I've only lost about 5 lbs. Which totally sucks. Usually I can drop 20 with little effort, but it seems to be hanging on for dear life now. *sigh* I am planning on really buckling down as soon as Christmas is over and my schedule is back to normal.
I have 30 more days until I can get a provera prescription. I am praying that AF arrives on her own, but not getting my hopes up. My temps have been different this past week than they have been before. I can't wait until I can actually see from charting what my body is doing. This being my first time charting, none of it really makes sense yet.
And last, the acne. It is, in fact, better than it was, but I believe that is in part, because, I had AF. My skin got continuously worse the 6 months I went without AF, so I have no doubt it will get worse the longer I let it go on. I have read a few places that aloe, the gel from the actual plant, not the green stuff you buy for sunburns, is helpful with acne. So, as of tonight, I am rubbing aloe on my face once per day. This is my new treatment partly because it is natural, but mostly because I have a HUGE aloe plant growing on my porch, and this treatment will be free. And free is pretty appealing right now with our finances the way they are.
Speaking of finances, I may be getting more hours come January. That would be awesome if I knew that I would actually get paid for the work. I am tired of working all week for a worthless piece of paper. And i'm stuck, because with the hours I do work it's not like I can get a second job, and I am so attached to my kids, I couldn't leave. I wouldn't be so frustrated if it weren't for the sucky financial situation. Anyway, enough complaining.....off to bed....which I am very thankful to have :-)

Where do we go from here?

I'd be lying if I said this week weren't one of the hardest weeks of my life.
It has been a very hard week. Money issues threaten to overtake us. But I know God has us in His hand and though He allows us to stumble, He won't let us fall. (Psalm 37) Hubby and I had a rough couple of days. Very rough, but I believe he is sorry, and have forgiven him. Today we sat down with my in-laws to look at our budget. We determined that we spend too much money, but it is on "extras". We can well afford our neccesseties and therfore, after getting out of the current hole, should be able to work towards getting out of bigger debt (and work towards babies!)

The light in this week was that Hubby (on his 3rd attempt) finally passed the last test he needed for a program he is trying to enter in school. Praying that there is still a spot for him. The new school program would mean a new and better job, and money issues becoming better!

I have a cold but am ready to start the next week. Wishing AF would make her appearance. I was spotting on Friday, but that's gone now, so who knows what's going on!

Cuz you had a bad day.....

For the first time in a reallly long time I don't want a baby right now.
Yes the thought of "If I don't get on top of this now it will never happen" thoughts are still there, but the thought of bringing another life into this world, seems to me, a bad choice at this point in time. On Tuesday, this was not true. I wanted a baby sooo badly.

But when yesterday rolled around, and the bank called and informed me we were two months behind in mortgage payments, nooo, correction, almost 5 months behind in mortgage payments, AND MY HUSBAND HADN'T TOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! suddenly, I lost all desire to bring a poor little helpless baby into the crap/craziness that is my life. I can't believe this is happening to me. I thought my marriage was wonderful. I thought that we were making it. I thought everything was fine. I thought I knew the man lying in bed with me at the end of each day. I was wrong. And I'm not sure if I can deal with that.

Oh Christmas Tree.

My tree is twinkling away in my living room. It makes me happy. It reminds me of trees past. Last year it stood cramped in the corner of our tiny, overprice apartment. It made me happy because it was Hubby's and my first tree. It was our first Christmas as a married couple. The year before it was in my grandparents house. It was fake, and covered with really old ornaments, but it was also across from the hall closet which held my wedding dress. The first time I sat at the Christmas dinner table, holding his hand, not worried about my dad throttling him across the table. The year before that, a hodgepodge of branches covered with lights stood in the corner of a house I rented with 4 other college girls. We sat around it, drinking hot cocoa, and dreaming about when we would someday have a house of our own, a husband and a tree of our own. That dream is now true. As I look back, each year took me closer and closer to that dream- the next year's blessing invisible from that year's treeside vantage point. Last year I never wouldve dreamed that I would be in a house that we owned. I dare not imagine a growing belly or tiny infant next Christmas...... but here's to treeside wishing.

I want to be a mommy.

I want to braid my little girl's hair.
I want to kiss my little boy's forhead as he sleeps in his bed.
I want to feel a sweaty little body snoring on my chest.
I want to marvel at my daughter's first word.
I want to record my son's first smile.
I want to teach my children that A says "ah" and B says "Buh"
I want to read them Skippyjon Jones stories, and kiss them goodnight.
I want to teach thier Sunday school class and tell them that Jesus loves them.
I want to cry as I wave goodbye when a big yellow bus takes them to thier first day of kindergarten.
I want to see them learn to play an instrument, or sport.
I want to see them argue in the backseat on road trips.
I want to see them make thier daddy smile.
I want to buy them toys and play with them.
I want to make them eat thier veggies.

Most of all, right now, I want to know that a child is growing inside of me, protected, and mine.

Praying, and hoping that all those wants and wishes come true soon.

hmmmmm

I don't know what in the world is going on with my body, but then again, when do I ever know? My temp has been up (roughly.04 degrees) for three days now. However, it is way lower than the temps earlier this cycle, so FF is not giving me crosshairs. I hate PCOS today. And everday. My pregnant friend is back in town. In some weird way, her being pregnant actually makes me want to be pregnant more, which is sort of impossible, because I already wanted it so bad.

Oh where are you O?

I ordered some OPK's from Amazon, sadly they aren't here yet, and I got a temp spike today. It's about the same as the one I got ealier on this "Cycle". The more I look at my chart against other annovulatory ones the more I think that I really did O on cd 13, just didnt get AF. And it's looking like it might be happening again. Several days of low temps (like the ones before) and today a spike. I'm just speculating here, because the opk's have yet to arrive. I guess we'll see if it keeps going up these next few days. Praying it does, cause hubby and I have bd'd plenty.........

Darn it. There I go again, getting my hopes up. Shame on me. I'm going to *try* not to think about it. Ha.

Here's the craziness
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2a74a1