So it's official, I have post partum depression. My mom thinks with anxiety as the dominant feature, depression as the sub. After having several panic attacks, loosing all my coping skills, thinking about suicide, and feeling pretty hopeless and guilty i talked to my doctor who prescribed zo.loft. I started today. Probably need something for anxiety before it starts to work, but xana.ax is not compatible with breastfeeding. (Boo). I slept in out guest bedroom last night and let DH take care of the boys. A little uninterrupted sleep has me feeling better for now, but I can never tell how long "better" will last these days. It is awful to be so aware of what is happening. I know my thoughts and feelings and action are irrational, and I can't control them. I just hope the zo.loft helps and things begin to get better soon.
I imagine the twin guilt will never go away. There is only one "mommy" for two babies. I will never not feel guilty for not being able to give my 100% to each of them 100% of the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment